Written by Kimberly Jay
I’ve never been the skinny girl… Well, maybe when I was six and no one was concerned about my outward appearance, but I digress. When I was in middle and high school, I was among the more ‘healthy’ of my friends; I weighed more than the abominable 100 pounds and my body did not wear short shorts well, at all. As an impressionable teenager, with little to no real knowledge of self-worth, you’d think this is where the start of my unstable relationship with weight begins.
This might have been the case, if it weren’t for my sister and a well-intentioned uncle. My sister, who was slightly more ‘healthy’ than I, was gifted the name ‘Tubby Turtle’ by this uncle and though hurtful to her, this nick name saved me from the savages of youthful insecurities about weight.
Fast forward to me as a thirty-year-old adult- a time when I was discovering me and learning to walk in my called by God purpose. This also happened to be when I entered a relationship that was predestined to be emotionally and physically abusive. Through this unhealthy partnership, I grew intimately aware of my weight. With help from ‘my loving’ partner, I realized just how unattractive, ugly and fat I was.
Most days, I would fight against my obnoxiously large body by putting it through many rigorous exercises throughout the day. I would then destroy any results my extreme fitness regime may have had by stuffing myself full of every unhealthy food imaginable at any opportunity. If I wasn’t exercising, I was eating and if I wasn’t eating, I was exercising. My life had become a vicious circle of self-hate and self-abuse- all because I believed I was fat and I was unhappy with this diagnosis.
I lost sight of what made me beautiful. I forgot I was fearfully and wonderfully made and that I was made after God’s own likeness. (Psalm 139:14/Genesis 1:27)
Life and death are in the power of the tongue, and in my case, I was dying a slow death, because I believed I was fat and unfit to join in with all the life going on around me; I compounded this belief by allowing my not so great boyfriend to speak these things into my life and by joining in with the festivities by telling myself these very things when I was alone in the bathroom, with just the mirror and my reflection for an audience. (Proverbs 18:21)
Thankfully, all things work for the good of them that love the Lord… I was eventually able to break away from the bad guy and start on the road to recovering me. I secured a job, where it was my responsibility to make women feel beautiful and fantastic in their own skin- which forced me examine my own physique and learn to love my body in whatever state beauty it was in. (Romans 8:28)
As a man thinketh, so is he… This became my mantra. I learned how to change my thinking. As difficult as it was, I began telling myself that I was beautiful- first in the morning as I was getting ready to leave for work, I’d stop by the mirror, smile and say, “you’re beautiful”. I didn’t believe it then, but I did it anyway and before long, I began to feel more beautiful and less fat and frumpy. (Proverbs 23:7)
I’m still a work in progress; we all are. There will be times when we are insecure about our bodies, when we will question our self-worth because of someone else’s standards. When these times come, it is important to remember that we are God’s handiwork… He made us, and He loves us and all our ‘earthly flaws and imperfections’.
The bottom line is this: it doesn’t matter if you think you’re too fat, too skinny, too dark, too light, too freckly, or not freckly enough, God loves us. And being the awesome God He is, He knew we would face these insecure demons and He equipped us with things we can do to defeat such monsters. Feeling fat? Exercise. Feeling too skinny? Eat and exercise and build up some muscle. There is make up and tutorials galore to enhance the beauty that is already you.
None of those things can change how you see yourself. The only way to really change or heal from those things is learning and knowing how to love yourself.
As you go forth and conquer the world, remember love is the greatest gift and victory we have in Christ, so seize it and the battle is yours! (1Corinthians 13:13)
Meet the Author
Kimberly Jay, also known as Kim, Specialk or Dvnmskm- depending on where you meet her- has been writing almost as long as she has been talking (which for those of you who don’t know that’s slightly less than half a century)! She enjoys writing across genres, preferring to let the creative juices flow instead of following the ‘rules’ of writing. She has held court with the Richmond City Council and Richmond City School Board, where her eloquent speeches have left many an onlooker rethinking and reevaluating their position on the current topic at hand. Kim is an active member of her church, Anointed Worship Center, of Richmond, Virginia. Here, she has grown in her walk with Christ and learned to minister to people’s needs through leadership.
While recuperating from a head/brain trauma in 2015, Kim discovered a love for all things genealogy/ family history and soon began her time traveling adventures to places of lands long ago. Shortly thereafter, in the spring of 2017, her daughter (12) approached her, wanting to ‘drop out of school’ and Kim, never one to shy away from a thrill, agreed. When she isn’t hunting down clues about her ancestors or teaching her daughter and the two year-olds, Kim enjoys spending time at the beach, local amusement parks and area festivals.
Always appreciative of a great laugh or good joke, Kim also takes great pleasure in spending time with her family and pushing people from their comfort zones and into their purpose.
Her debut book, Journey to Forgiveness (a thirty day devotional) is set to be released in April 2018- be sure to reserve your copy today!
You are welcome and invited to follow Kim EVERYWHERE and here’s how:
You can join her on the author side at www.facebook.com/dvnmskm
Follow her on Instagram www.instagram.com/dvnmskm
Know everything you need to know about the book by going to www.amazon.com/author/kimberljay12
Tweet her incessantly www.twitter.com/dvnmskmzcrzz
Take a quick time travel adventure with her https://www.dvnmskmztimetravel.wordpress.com
Want to know what it’s like to leave public school behind? https://www.kimandkairasgreathomeschooladventure.wordpress.com