We all have our hidden corners. You know, those secret and wicked sins in our life that look so attractive in the dark, so much so that we sometimes spend our whole life trying to keep them from the bright exposure of the Son. Indeed, we all have hidden corners. Some are just better at hiding them than others.
I was 9 years old when my secret began. I was a 4th grader with 6th grade friends, friends who had access to pornography and graciously let me indulge with them. They took me to a nearby park and there under the playground’s kid castle was a magazine. I imagine many reading this were my age or even younger the first time Satan got his foot in the door of their hearts using pornography. What I cannot imagine is just how much it breaks the heart of God to see little ones corrupted. From that day forward I was living with an addiction, an addiction that wouldn’t leave for many more years to come.
The Battle had only Begun . . .
It’s interesting to me that ultimately God would use this addiction to bring me into a relationship with Him years later. I came to know God at the beginning of my sophomore year of high school. I had one Christian friend in school who was truly walking with Jesus, and he took me under his wing. One day I was compelled to tell Him the things I was involved in. I hadn’t ever opened up to anyone about it and it was tough to confess. But, I mustered up the courage and spilled my guts to him on the way home from school. I hadn’t cried that hard in years. I remember being shocked as he told me that he struggled with the same thing, but that the difference between me and him was that, although he struggled with lust, he was already free from it’s power over him and I wasn’t. He told me about the liberty from sin and death that Jesus brought him, and that evening, with a broken and contrite spirit, I committed my life to Christ.
I suppose I thought from that day forth, everything would be smooth sailing: no more lust, no more porn, just freedom! I was wrong…
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