Written by: Lisa Brown
We are our worst critics.
“Crap, I did it again.”
“I should have done it.”
“I shouldn’t have.”
“I never do anything right.”
“I’m a mess.”
“Let him do it. I will only screw it up.”
“I’m a mistake and my life is a mistake.”
“I will never be good enough.”
“Nothing good is ever going to come out of my mess.”
We push God away from us because we don’t believe He can love somebody like us.
God says we are forgiven and we are His. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. He knew us before we were in our Mother’s womb. His Son died on the cross for our sins. Amazing Grace has set us free. He loves us with an everlasting love and He will never leave us.
And we say,
“God why are you still here with me, didn’t you see what I’ve done? I don’t deserve you God.”
We push God away.
We don’t see how God could possibly cherish us. We ask how the God that has all things want to have anything to do with us.
In our darkest moment we need Him to love us and we need Him to hold us tightly.
But instead we dig ourselves in a hole and hide from Him.
We stay there because we have convinced ourselves that we will never be smart, pretty, acceptable, lovable, talented, needed, or wanted.
Somewhere in our lifetime we have had things said to us and done to us that caused us to feel bad about ourselves.
Others have said to us you’re too dumb, you’re too fat, you’re too thin, you can’t do it, you will make people leave you, you shouldn’t eat that, you’re just not smart enough. I don’t love you. I fell in love with someone else. You will never make it. You don’t have what it takes. You’re bad or you’re too good. You should know how to do that by now. You can do better.
We have been rejected, abandoned, isolated, demoralized, taken advantage of, abused, accused, and ridiculed.
We want to be loved. We want to be accepted. We want to add value and we want to matter.
So we compare ourselves to others and there is always someone better.
We imagine that if we were thinner, smarter, prettier, and nicer, then we will be loved. We put up with a false image and we still don’t measure up to our idealistic view of self.
When I was a child I had visions of being tall, thin, and having long wavy blond hair. I had it stuck in my head that if I was prettier I would be more lovable. I never measured up to what I thought I should be. A matter a fact I thought I was too fat, my nose was too big, and my hair was way too ugly.
At a very early age I didn’t believe I was good enough.
I was the clumsy kid with reading delays because of dyslexia. I was always the kid that was bullied when no one was looking. There were always remarks being made about my weight even though I weighed what I was supposed to.
Eating problems started for me as a child when I started sneaking food.
When I was twelve years old I started working out and hating it. I only did it so that I could fit in smaller size clothes. I weighed myself twice a day and marked it down religiously on my calendar.
In High School I started sneaking diet pills and missing meals. When I ate more then I should, I tried to purge and I couldn’t…
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Lisa is our co-host in the upcoming series.
She shares to let you know that you are not alone.
She shares because she understands this battle.
She shares to help others.