Blame, Guilt and Peace

Lauren from “Let Faith Grow” shares her story today as part of the depression series.

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lauren

I’m Lauren, a wife and stay at home mom to two little kiddos. We live in Texas. I have a new found love for being home with my children. I’m embracing everything about this time in my life, sleepless nights, yucky messes and all. I love how the Lord uses all of our difficulties in life as stepping stones to bring us closer to Him.

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I am not in any position to tell anyone how depression works. I don’t know how depression works. I just know I was healed from it. The Lord knew I was hurting, even when no one acknowledged my pain, He did. I mattered to Him and His love healed me. He knows my name.

I was twenty three years old with two babies two years apart. How blessed was I! Except I felt anything but blessed, I honestly felt cursed. My babies were planned, I wanted this. At least I thought I did.

I would confess my desperation to anyone who would listen. Not because I meant to or even wanted to, but because I was so filled with despair that it would just spill out of my mouth. Fortunately typing requires more thought, otherwise all of social media would have known my secret.

My mother was in remission from breast cancer and my sister had just had a miscarriage. My depression seemed like a joke in comparison, even to myself. Stories I would share about my daily life were always considered humorous, I was told “Ha-ha. Oh Lauren, you did this to yourself”.

During this time blame and guilt consumed me, until His almighty peace took over…

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